We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
