im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
