I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
