Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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