do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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