Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
BRING THE BAGELS
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
