I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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