Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
