her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
