It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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