We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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