dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
high people should be assigned attendants
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
