I wish I only lived at night.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
