Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
