he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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