I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
