There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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