She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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