I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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