You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
