the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
