So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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