we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
