your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
