do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
