I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
