Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
