Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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