so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
