how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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