Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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