ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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