So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
