On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
