I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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