also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
