You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
