so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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