I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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