OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I met the friendliest cop last night
My cat gives me a boner
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
