he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
