P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
