Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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