just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
