so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
