All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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