then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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