We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
