mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
