This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
